Thursday, August 6, 2015

The Bane of My African Existence

Bake them
Mash them
Boil them
Nuke them
Freeze them
Scorch them
Drown them - at this point you might have realized I'm not talking about a food item.
Bleach them
Poison them
Dryer them...and yes, I'm making this a verb for this post, especially since this is what motivated me to write today. I was taking down a kitchen drying mat from the line outside because it's getting ready to rain. With chagrin I noticed it had an ant colony growing on it. (In my defense, this is the mat that sits under the dish rack liner, so it doesn't get much attention.)

Inspiration struck! I was going to put these laundry items in the dryer, a highly unusual appliance out here, when I realized I might just find a new method for killing my tormentors! And will the lint collector thingy scoop them up too? You can't imagine how exciting this is - I can't wait to go get the stuff out of the dryer to see if I'm successful.

Yes, killing the ever-present columns of ants is a sick hobby of mine. Hopefully it's the only sick hobby I have. I don't know anyone here who loathes them any less than I do, but I might be the only one keeping a list of my termination techniques. Nuking them in the microwave doesn't actually work; I guess ants are up there with cockroaches. And so far, my favorite technique is scorching them. When they're crawling on a pan, I like to turn on the gas stove and they just shrivel up and fall off when I knock the pan. It's very rewarding; I suggest you try it.

Ant annihilation is much more satisfying than ant prevention, which is also a full-time job. You will recognize my kitchen as it's the one with:
-peanut butter, the sugar jar, honey, etc in (imported) Ziplock bags
-shortening, cereal, margarine, baked goods, etc in plastic lidded ice cream containers (yes, we reuse them here)
-cooking oil sealed in used water bottles
-butter and bread in the refrigerator
-bananas hanging from the pantry door in a mesh bag
-raisins and peanuts in lidded jars
-the trash bag hanging from the outside kitchen window (to keep it away from the dogs)
-the dirty dishes stacked precariously in a tower within a basin with a moat of water at the base to keep the ants from crossing

But don't be fooled: the ants do not limit themselves to the kitchen. They are marching out from behind the mirrors and toilets in the bathrooms. They are filing from the air vent to the window. They are on the highway between the power socket and the back of the hutch. And if you would like to know how I deal with them outside the kitchen (when I'm consumed with both anger and energy, a rare combination), let's just say two words: glue gun.
And the verdict is out: the dryer kills them and the lint screen, as you can see, collects them!

1 comment:

doc hudson said...

Have you tried epsom salts it is good for so many things also draws out infections but is not harmful to children