African Anecdotes - Domestic Violence

Domestic violence - 12/6/2004

Last night, through the window, I heard a heated discussion between a man and a woman. In village living, the neighbor knows all. She was screaming and crying and he was talking loudly to her. I couldn’t understand, but it was clear that she was either accusing him or defending herself. Every now and then there was a thud, and her screams would heighten. A baby was wailing the whole time. It was just awful, and I prayed for them, but I barely knew what to pray for.

It has lead me to be thinking along these lines, “Why was I chosen to be born in a culture of education, where abuse is not acceptable and is illegal? Why was it me who was born in a family without fear of abuse? Why do I get to be a woman who doesn’t think about whether my husband will yell at me or hit me? Why me and not her?” I’m thankful, and so is Dusty, but our hearts are grieved for the women and the men here, who are raised believing that domestic abuse is not only normal, but to be expected.

And worse than that, we have heard that some women do not feel loved unless they are beaten! They have it so very backwards. Somehow they believe that if they are beaten every now and then, their husbands care about them and how they cook, where they have been, how they raise the kids, etc. If she cooks poorly for a few days without a comment from him or if he doesn’t eat at home for several meals, then she will assume he is eating from some other woman’s table, so his yelling at her or hitting her is an assurance that he’s not cheating, that he loves her.